I weed, I dig.

I try to spend as much of my time outside as possible. I’ve never really been an outdoorsy person, but maybe I am now. At night I lie in bed thinking of what needs to get done tomorrow in the garden. I think of water and the weather, soil temperatures and germination timings.

In the days mostly I weed. I dig. I take breaks. Lots of breaks between digging and weeding. I have this strange pain in my hands. They ache. All the time. They never feel normal. They hurt enough to wake me up while I sleep. My hands feel swollen. But they tingle like they are asleep. The pains are sharp in the palms, as when I cat/cow for spinal flex.

I wonder if I am dying. If this is some symptom. Probably it’s not, but the last time, it was.