Weeping Returns

I had a pretty dry couple of weeks, but the weeping has returned. I didn’t lose it in the doctor’s office last week, but since then I’ve been weepier. I got the lupron shot seven days ago, and since have been submerged in the emocean.

The thoughts that bring it on are related to my upcoming doctor’s visits. The new spot on my bone scan evidently cannot be ignored. Even though I don’t have bone pain, the oncologist doesn’t think we should ignore it. Probably smart. I meet with the radiation oncologist to go over it next week.

The last time I got a bone scan and they found a spot, I didn’t realize how painful and deadly bone cancer is. My bone biopsy turned out to be negative last time, and it did it all alone in Memphis not even knowing that my death sentence was hanging in the balance. This time I suppose it feels inevitable that the cancer goes to the bone. Maybe not yet, though.

All my aches and pains are supposedly addressable by a rheumatologist. They are sending me to a neurologist first, not sure why. In the meantime, I’m achy every day. I do some stretching and basically choose to do only one or two things per day. Now that it’s 100 degrees all afternoon, I’m gardening less and so have a bit more energy for other stuff.

Oh, right, the other times I weep — having to cancel plans with friends because I’m too tired. And thinking about old friends visiting and seeing how much I’ve deteriorated since they saw me last.