Empty Night

It’s a Friday night and everything feels empty. Why is that?

My rhythm has been disrupted a bit. I haven’t been up early and out in the backyard due to the heat. Even by 8am it’s hot in the sun outside.

Today I went for my quarterly Lupron shot. No weeping. I spoke with the the PA about my concerns regarding extreme fatigue and my openness to discussing medication.

We went over my blood test results. My PSAs are still very very low. Undetectable. But I’ve got a bunch of weird numbers on my blood test that are some concern. Low iron. Some other inflammatory signs. The PA doesn’t think these are side effects of the lupron. I’m being referred to a rheumatologist.

I also got the results of the recent bone and CT scans. “New mild focal uptake corresponding to new sclerosis in the right sacrum is suspicious for osteoblastic metastatic disease.” This is scary news. Bone cancer is bad bad bad. And it hurts, I hear. But I don’t have any bone pain. From what everyone says, bone pain is specific and distinct. If you don’t know if you have it, you don’t have it.

We decided to hold off on getting crazy about the bone lesion until I have some bone pain. The treatment would be a bunch of tests and possibly radiation, I think. The PA thinks we should chase down my soft tissue issues before we go the mental health via medication route. Sounds good to me.

I was so tired this afternoon after the appointments and going grocery shopping, that I slept in the hot room until like 6pm. I was still too tired to walk Old Man. Is that what makes the night feel so empty?