dark moment

Again this week the Trump administration is making serious legal moves to kill Obamacare, and with it, the protections that have saved people like me from death and financial ruin. I remember staying up late to watch McCain finally give a thumbs down on the republican horror to ruin the American health care system.

When I think of it (and I try not to), I’m fairly sure that I would forego further cancer treatment rather than bankrupt my family. I don’t think this amounts to thoughts of suicide, but maybe it’s not that different.

Without insurance, the ongoing cost of my heathcare at this point is about $12k per quarter, with further tests and scans on top of that. As a cancer patient, I’m one of the expensive people who could never afford to pay full price for the treatment. Which means I could easily bankrupt my family, who may think they should sacrifice to keep me alive.

Usually these thoughts are an abstraction. But whenever new actions are taken to further destabilize the healthcare situation, the dark moment returns, and I consider again the reality of my impending death.