Neuter

Neuter

The neuter gender.  A neuter word. The sexless, asexual and unsexed.  Nonfertile, castrate or spay. Epicene.  

ep·i·cene | /ˈepəˌsēn/
having characteristics of both sexes or no characteristics of either sex; of indeterminate sex.

Both or neither.  In life, I’m both, coming from masculinity and developing secondary feminine traits.  A mythical Hermaphroditus, except that I’m no beauty. “Epicenity is the lack of gender distinction, often specifically the loss of masculinity. It includes androgyny – having both masculine and feminine characteristics.”  Androgyny carries the implication of ambiguity. It seems to be all these slender enbies. I’m not that.

Serenity, obscenity, epicenity:  In the vision, I’m neither. Not alive, not dead.  But I am divided. My body is back on earth, which seems like a ball of mud spinning and rotating around a bigger ball of fire.  I’m everywhere and nowhere, my sense of myself is waning, but I understand that I am returning to a vast energistic flux. I will no longer be me.  The comfort that washes over me is warm and real, and shakes me out of it.